One month after I came to Germany, someone I had met in Kenya, and who had expressed his interest in getting to know me better, invited me to go out and spend the afternoon in the park. He suggested that we stop at the supermarket to buy some snacks. We both picked what we wanted to eat and when we got to the till, he separated his goods from mine and paid for himself. I quickly pulled out my wallet, thanking God that I had enough scholarship Euros to pay the 3 Euros for my things (True story, and I was there).
I have to admit that I felt quite embarrassed, and this embarrassment grew in dimension when I thought that everyone else was observing us. During my intercultural communication class, in which we are taught how to get along in different cultural settings, I tried to analyze this incident.
- Germany is generally a low-context culture (i.e., where everything has to be spelled out orally), so if you’re invited out, do not expect anyone to pick up your tab if they didn’t expressly tell you that they were “inviting” you.
- People here are more individualistic, that is, they do not have the spontaneous communal “let me buy you a drink” mentality that we have.
- Long-term planning of the way time and money are spent is the rule, and not the exception. Even simple things like going out for a coffee or visiting someone should be discussed in advance. Spontaneous, unplanned expenditure and sharing that could make people veer off their plans, and considering the fear of uncertain financial future, it is almost inconceivable to just “get up and do something”.
- But then again, this man’s behavior could have been informed by his own time in Kenya. Let’s face it, there are many women who get into relationships with Mzungus with the sole purpose of getting money from them. Maybe he thought that I was also after his money.
Okay, now I understand it. It doesn’t change the way I felt. I was kind of uncomfortable for the rest of the afternoon because I had no idea what to make of this odd behavior. On one hand, I felt that he was either mean or he had a wrong opinion of me, and that he thought I was after his money. On the other hand, maybe I was being too quick to judge him.
This incident got me thinking about the many Kenyan girls whose goal is to hook a Mzungu, move to Europe or America and live easy on his cash. If these cultural dimensions I’m learning about are anything to go by, some of them may be very disappointed when they realize just how much they have to pay their own way.
As for me, I’m moving on swiftly, paying my own way and trying to understand the often strange cultural norms that I’m confronted with daily.
