Mmmh…
Posted by: evesreflections on: September 19, 2008
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
Oh hearts…
Posted by: evesreflections on: May 28, 2009
It’s not like going to the moon. It’s just another town, a few hours away. And yet, the pain of separation. Cuts like a knife. So near, yet so far. I wish you were on the moon. I would accept why I don’t see you.
Something of my own, to keep in my pocket, take it out now and then and marvel at how shiny and lovely it is. Keep it close to my skin where my body would feel it at all times..That would do me a whole lot of good.
The folly of know-it-alls
Posted by: evesreflections on: May 26, 2009
There are those people in this world, who prance around touting their knowledge and wisdom to all and sundry. They had better talk than listen, they had better dictate than take notes. Theirs is a world with no questions, only answers. “Why are you so slow? You just don’t get it, do you?” This is their general attitude towards others.
Oh the folly of these types. Don’t they see how the quietly wise avoid their gaze and shrug off their unsolicited and unwanted opinions? You see, the wise learn, always conscious of their inadequacy to absorb all that is contained in this world. They learn, and then they learn some more. And for each experience, the heart grows, just a little bit more open, more accepting and tolerant of otherness.
Meanwhile, the know-it-alls carry on their self-exile in their little self-contained bubbles…
Should i make promises to myself?
Posted by: evesreflections on: May 21, 2009
A few months ago I was convinced that I’d stopped running. I promised that I’d be good, to myself and others; that I’d finally settle and get my life in order; and that my heart would find the lightness that it has always yearned for.
It’s May now, and am contemplating making new promises. Or repeating the same ones to myself just so I don’t forget (I have to refer now and then)
- The house that might be my accommodation in my old age has to be started…and completed. Very important.
- Love that one person with no reservations. After all, my life is based on the here and now, not what could be.
- Whoever said I don’t care about people was wrong. Prove him wrong. Reach out.
- Work hard. No shortcuts. Just work hard, and I hope I learn more from it.
- Remember the bees. Honey is sweet and this could be a fruitful adventure.
- Don’t worry! Relax. I have a stress free life. And it’s gonna stay that way.
- Save money. Then use it to make this life work!
Ok, the last one might be tricky but hey, maybe if I look at the sentence long enough it will happen.
The ever suffering Kenyan Worker
Posted by: evesreflections on: May 1, 2009
I was still asleep when the Minister gave his Labour Day speech at Nyayo Stadium today. But when I caught a snippet of the happenings during the 4 pm headlines, I thought to myself, what shit are Kenyans really wallowing in? The huge crowd, waiting patiently, just to hear that minimum wage has been raised. And that there are some people who will now have the privilege of going to work every morning waiting for a pay slip of between 3,000 and 6,000 shillings. Kenya shillings. To pay rent, feed families, pay school fees (you all know it’s not free), clothing, bribe public officials here and there… And the person reading out this very encouraging bit of news, let’s not ask how much he took home last Month. How much do they earn anyway? More than 250 times more than Kenya’s lowest paid worker? Great. I earn much more myself. I hope my PAYE will one day actually contribute to someone else earning more. Anyway, I won’t go out to buy the very frivolous piece of equipment I had planned to. It costs more than what someone earns in a whole month and am feeling kinda guilty about that. Maybe tomorrow when I forget… like the middle class is wont to.
Life and betrayals of the heart
Posted by: evesreflections on: April 18, 2009
- In: Life| love
- 4 Comments
Your footprints are forever imprinted in the sands of my time here on earth. I let that happen. I let you in. I said it was enough for me to love you. I even meant it at the time. But am only human. It’s in our nature to be greedy. And yet I’ve no room for greed. I will not let myself be that person.
I remember me. Dysfunctional. Consumed. Happy. Enraged. Hopeless. Destroyed. Sometimes I’m a shadow. Sometimes I’m a crutch. Sometimes I don’t exist. I remember me. Recovered. Stronger. Relapse. Years under the bridge.
And tonight this is what I know:
I am loved. I AM LOVED. I know it. I just don’t feel it. Yes, I now remember what it is to be alive, now I only pray that I learn to say thank you for the gift. To remember the warmth of loving back. A numb machine that serves to get me through the motions. That is what I need. Dear Lord, deny me this cold wish.
It’s time to make that sacrifice. Let go. Stop hanging on. I have no place in your life. You once said you were not sure you wanted me in it anyway. I listened. I heard. It has taken me this long to process. I guess I needed a catalyst. Yes, I now know what it means. Yes, I understand. Yes, I come second. I know the drill. Been there, done that. No demands, that is the rule I’ve failed to live by.
Ready or not, it’s heart break time. Dear Lord, give me a crutch. Help me realize, that tomorrow, regardless of my pain and fear, the sun will rise in the East and set in the West. And I’ll still be here, part of the universe. The heart? Ideally… should be insignificant.
